The Chinaman on the Quest for The Mystical Bobble Head Gnoe of Ultimate Power! (A Random Story)

 

 

Tonight we created our own game ... and with the rules. and randomness.. created this story.. Enjoy!

 

(Bold words were the ones that had to be used.. each brake is a new person telling the story) 

 

It was the dawning of the age of Aquarius and in this age there was a mystical bobble head gnome of ultimate power.

A Chinese man who studied gorillas decided to believe and quest after the mystical bobble head gnome of ultimate power. 

Steve, the Chinese man, must use his pink umbrella to keep the sun off of him because he has a sunburn.. he will turn orange..

His background story is that he comes from a pitiful sandlot that had one dirty toilet in the middle of it.. and it was the only source of water.. that he washed his clothes in.. and this is why he has such a skin condition

Steve has a pet mastodon that he is taking the quest with.. he hops on his pet flying sharks and tows his pet mastodon in a hot air balloon.

He arrives in the mystical land of Montgomery... and he runs into the mighty morphin power rangers who have been sworn to protect the mystical bobble head gnome of ultimate power, but he had the forethought to bring with him a love potion and he tricked the power rangers into drinking it

The power rangers fall in love with the mastodon and begin to try and kiss it, but the mastodon gets scared and starts a stampede with the flying sharks... 

the stampede headed to The mystical lake and the  wizard there was very angry at the power rangers because they wanted to see the statue of liberty with the stampede

The lake wizard, upset with the power rangers, goes through his keepsakes from his summer trips to the statue of liberty highly agitated begins flipping through the pages of his photo album very rapidly and gets an epically legendary paper cut... and dies... Due to the stress, Steve becomes cross eyed

Steve.. the Chinese man .. riding on his starks.. in the stampede.. upon the wizards death.. is given the Will of the wizard from the wizard's lawyer.. he learns that he is not Chinese.. but adopted, and that the wizard is his father ... has a sister.. who is still alive.. To mourn and celebrate he eats chocolate brownies

The stampede has exited the mystical land of Montgomery... Steve cuts the stampeding flying sharks loose.. in order to find the castle dungeon where his sister is being held... The mastodon drinks poison because he would rather die that way then from lack of oxygen because the hot air balloon is too high in the sky.

As Steven approaches the dungeon his sister is held within he is attacked by an oger, but after falling over from the attack.. The oger goes into Steve's pockets and takes his laffy taffy. The Oger runs off into the forest leaving Steve confused and without snacks.

He followed the stench the oger left behind with his trial of onion peels and he turned left.. Then his sister told him to look behind him because there was an elephant there.

Needing a way to escape the elephant .. that wanted the peanuts in his sisters pockets.. he seeked out the wise guidance of the hobbit midget.. they fell down the rabbit hole that alice left open.  After traveling for weeks they stumble upon the aged turtle, Morla.

Steve tells Morla the story and his quest for the mystical bobble head gnome of ultimate power.. or better known as MBHGOUP.  Morla, who is a turtle cannot speak.. mimes out.. that they need to apply a cream due to the fact that Steve lost his umbrella.  In order to get out of the rabbit hole he mimed that they need to eat quiche.  They did this and were transported back to the mystical land of Montgomery.

Being back in Montgomery Steve and his sister find the tower that contains the MBHGOUP. They find a symbol on the door that seems to be a puzzle.  His sister says that it is circular like a soccer ball, but Steve knows that it is really a futball and says so.  When he says the word the door opens.  They step in to see that a game board is on a table in front of them... Chinese checkers is set up and ready for a game... 

When they looked into a dark dark corner they saw a village idiot who begins to tell them how they can win the game. 

The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers who loved the mastadon... returned to their duty of protecting the MBHGOUP and competed against the adopted .. non-chinaman and his sister.. listening to the advise of the village idiot.. Steve grabbed the checker board, threw it in the air, and cried out, "The Ukraine is Weak!". The power rangers, stunned by this baffling move went madly insane.. they hopped onto the flying sharks (since subdued) went in all different directions.   In gaining the MBHGOUP Steve uses the power to cleanse the ancient toilet in the sandlot.  Actually making the sandlot into a beautiful bathroom.  He drops the MBHGOUP into the toilet.. it fizzes out and loses it's power.  The two lived in the sandlot bathroom happily ever after.

The End

 

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1000th Post .. An Unveiling of dErK! (About Me)

It is time.. the veil of 'Just Being Here' and 'Derek John Jordan' is lifted.  

What in the world has this crazy person writing all this stuff and slapping it on the Internet for us to read?

The quick answer is my tag on twitter ...  

"Christ Follower, Wife Lover, Kid Wrangler, Children's Pastor, vonGAL Drafter, Music & Book Reviewer, Prestidigitator, Blogger, and just some guy.. 

"

I will break these down for you.. in the order I have mentioned them 

Christ Follower : 

I believe in Sin - I believe in the redemption of sin through the blood of Christ, God's Son - on the cross of calvary.  I have given my life to God, and have never once regretted the decision.  If you have questions .. please feel free to ask.

Wife Lover ... 

I love my wife - and she loves me.. see 52 Reasons :) 

You can also read her blog HERE : http://shutterbugandmommylove.blogspot.com/

Kid Wrangler ...

I love my kids - if you look at the tags at the top there is one for each of them.. as well.. there is a page for each of them on the left side of the page.

Children's Pastor : 

Around June of 2011 my life was changed drastically when our family moved churches.  We (My Wife and I) began to act as Children's Pastors at Lakewood Christian Centre here in Montgomery Alabama. 

I have been in Children's ministry since around 2001.  At first it was just to help out because they needed the help and as well my soon to be girlfriend and later wife was a good enough reason for me. I quickly found myself enjoying the 'work' that was fun and as well enlightening to see kids learning and accepting Christ into their lives.  Seeing the devotion and unwavering faith of children is such an empowering thing to my personal faith. 

You can follow along the Lakewood Kids journey either by

Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/lakewoodkids

Blogger : http://lakewood-kids.blogspot.com/2012/05/three-little-kittens-lesson-24-of.html

Youtube : http://www.youtube.com/user/openedeyes02?feature=mhee

Twitter : https://twitter.com/#!/lakewoodkids

vonGAL Drafter :

November of 2004 I received the drafter job I still have now.  I really do enjoy this job.  I get to design things in 2d and in 3d (preferred) and at times I get to do a tiny bit of IT, Still rendering, and animation rendering.  

When I was in high school I really enjoyed math, but that began to die in college when I entered Calculus III and Differential Equations.  I prefer the drawing and modeling over the math, but ever so often I need a good amount of math to do what I do.  If I had planned my life... I would likely be a Civil Engineer with a Degree .. no wife.. and no kids.. but that was not the life for me - and I am GLAD.

When the choice for me to either continue in school at Auburn as I was or come home to marry the love of my life.. I prayed for practically an entire night.. debating with my rational self.. and the pull I had from God.  

Somehow I still ended up with a job doing Mechanical Engineering work as well as working within the Church on a volunteer basis! 

Music Reviewer : 

I have been downloading from Noisetrade since it's beginning.. actually I started with Derek Webb and downloading the album he put out for free BEFORE noisetrade was up and running.  I can honestly say it is likely 75% of my music collection is made up from music I downloaded from Noisetrade and the percentage grows each week.  

I felt the conviction because I really NEVER tipped any of the artists and due to that began to post on my blog the ones I really liked.  This turned into me deciding I should give a few thoughts on the music.. to which I would write tiny blurbs about them.  Then conviction set me to begin to review any album  I downloaded... because.. if I was getting the music for free.. the least I could do was freely let the world know about it's existence! 

My credentials for reviewing music do not exist.  I have tried in multiple occasions to learn to play the guitar and suffice it to say.. God did not give me that gift.  I can play and have fun with it, but I just cannot do what some of these amazing artists do with their music.  I am really a bumbling fool just giving his opinion which is mostly based on what I like,... and put against what is on Noisetrade.. 

I very much lack knowlegde in the popular music that is out there (especially secular), but push what I like.. so .. yeah.

I look for these qualities in music ...

1. Christ

2. Encouragement 

3. Heart (or passion)

4. Sound

5. Vocals

6. Recording Quality

If your music is on noisetrade and I have never reviewed it .. post a comment .. I would be happy to tell you why :)  

Book Reviewer : 

I have read books for many, many years - and with a book - it can be quite hard to know if it will be good, without a good review.  While most of the music I review I already put a stamp of approval on it when I downloaded it, because I can listen to it before downloading.. so those reviews are usually very positive, I have many times read a book I will give a negative review to.

My book preference:

1. Fantasy

2. Sci Fi

3. Christian Thought (or devotionals and such)

4. Christian Fiction

My profile on Goodreads is HERE : http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/5381087

Prestidigitator :

Yes, I am a magic hound.  I enjoy the act of Illusion.  Over time I have come to the realization that this quote is .. so very much true

 “Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you, and he does.”  

- Karl Germain

 

My thoughts and goals in this is through the act of 'amazing' object lessons.. the spiritual lessons get a better recall for later in life.  It is one thing to read the bible and understand the word of God by the divine right of God, and it is another entirely different thing to inspire the desire to BEGIN READING the word of God in another!

You can see what I am up to with magic on my Youtube channel HERE : http://www.youtube.com/user/magicderk4christ?feature=mhee

 Blogger :

This I am sure you can tell by the fact you are very likely reading this from within the nice Internet walls of my blog.  The question is .. Why?

Simple Answer : Geocities shut down free websites and I needed another platform to share my art and poems.

Long and more true answer : It helps me "Just Being Here" ... Just like you I am another person living on earth.  I have problems - I have joys.  I detest journaling, but have found the act of blogging to be .. therapeutic. 

I have found the NEED to truly have opinions and voice them properly.. as well I have found a clearing of my mind and .. also .. somehow.. a better organized life.  Not that I KNOW what I will be doing, just I HAVE something to do.  I thrive on getting things done.  I like the sense of accomplishment I get from the completion of a project.  Each blog is just that .. a project.. something I can set my mind to.. learn from.. and hopefully.. maybe.. teach someone else as well.

Every tuesday I release what I call a 'blurb' 

Why do I call it that?   

A blurb is meant to be a short phrase used in describing a product.  My product is Christ.. it is Encouragement.. Advice.. good and bad.. and as well Therapy .. and if for NO ONE else.. for myself. (though I hope they all are enjoyed by many)

Sometimes they are short, but other times they are long.  I do my best.. HA! .. I hope you can look past the inconsistency. 

Just some guy :

I am likely much like you - I have a job .. I have a family - maybe things are going great with me one day - and the next I am tearing out my hair (which would be difficult as I keep it quite short) 

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Tears in the eyes of the Lawnmower man (Blurb)

The lawn is a force to be reckoned with.. a force that deserves both respect and disdain for causing me the pain of time lost and work that I do not want to do... anyway... here is a bit of 'prose' about one time that I mowed my lawn:

   The day was not hot, but as well the day was not cold either.  The lawnmower man noticed that his skin was easily accepting the temperature that touched it as he walked outside to overlook the lawn that he knew needed cutting for weeks.  He was glad that the weather was working with him in this - either of the extreme temperatures create a much more difficult time doing the work.

    His home is small, but fits well with his family - he is glad that they have home to call their own.  The lawnmower man always thinks about the size of the house when mowing the lawn because he often walks around it and wonders what it may be like when mowing a different lawn.  Mind you he does not wish to have another, he just likes to think of worse situations to feel better about the one he has himself.

   The lawnmower man made it around the house and pulled the lawn mower from under the deck.  Checked the gas and started it up.  As soon as the roar of the engine took over his ears he began to move forward and cut the grass.  Instead of mowing the back first he moved to the front.  His belief being that if the front is done - that no one will notice the back when he may decide to quit later.

  At times he finds the act of just pushing the mower therapeutic and often due to the engine can drown out all that is around him except for the task at hand.  The sweat that began to form upon his brow was beginning to break this meditation and he felt the impending drip that would bring those salt filled drops into his very needed eyes.  

  He did not slow and as well did not wipe his brow in the hope that the sweat would just stick as it had for the past few minutes, but the volume of sweat was only growing, waiting for the perfect moment to fall and cause the lawn mower man pain and lost time.

  He felt the slipping - the movement was slight, but all the more fear inducing as it rolled toward his eyes.  He braced himself for the impact of the sting! But all of the sudden as if my a magical force the sweat moved around his eye and fell down the side of his face.  The lawn mower man was confused - he knew what should have happened, but was unsure of the turn of events.

  He thought for a moment and realized.. that he had eye brows.. they were made for this purpose.  He was protected.  With this knowledge he was encouraged and willing to finish the yard. 

Granted it is a bit of a silly story but when it actually happened to me I 'realized' that same thing.  God made me in this way for a purpose, if my eye brows have as important a job as keeping my eyes from getting sweat in them (mostly) then why should I worry about other things!  God thought of something so small and it is often taken for granted by us... 

I wanted to remember this so that when other things come up and threaten to attack my life in some way - I need to understand that God has control and He likely has the plan in place to take care of it!  Whether it be by inspiring me with the solution or the solution being there since the day I was born!  

Trust in Christ! 

Do you have problems with trusting in God when troubles show their face in your life?

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Joseph Journal Entries... A Fictional Interpretation #Christmas

God, I am not sure what you are doing right now.  I know that you have confirmed that Mary would be my wife - and that we would have a family together, but.. I just cannot understand why she would not be truthful to me.

I do not think that I can be with someone that will go behind my back like she must have.  I know that it is a good thing that she has told me before we are wed, but I really do not think I can trust her if we are to join as one after this. 

You know what she has done.  I cannot believe she has been with another man! Her and I were together so much these past few months.. how could I have missed it - and now ... all of the sudden she is with child. God, ... How could she possibly be the one for me if she would do this to me.

She has decided to go to her cousin, Elizabeth, who she is saying is also with child.  This is insane because Zechariah and Elizabeth are so old - there is no way that is possible.  I think she may just be trying to hide something from everyone else.

I know what I have decided to do.  It is the right thing to do.  She is not trustworthy and has shown that she does not want to follow your laws, so I will separate from her quietly. 

God, please give me strength and security to do this right so that it will not shame her, or myself.

-Joesph

I have just awoken from a dream, Lord.  I know you know about it, but I cannot contain myself.  I am not sure if it was even real, but I think the best thing for me to do is to trust it.  

The Angel in my dream said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” 

I am certain I left Mary in a confused state after talking to her yesterday.  I will go to her now and apologize for how I responded and tell her of your message to me.  Lord, I am so glad that you have spoken this to me so that I did not do what I was planning.  I love her  and am truly honored that you choose us for this blessing!

- Joseph

We are married!  Or at least it will be official after the birth of Jesus. We have decided not to consummate the marriage until after Jesus is born. 

 I am so glad that you have guided us through this process, Lord!  I thank you for your wisdom and your care as we deal with this virgin birth that you have given us.  

The trouble is that a census has been called for and it will require us to travel to Bethlehem.  I am not certain Mary can make it in her state.  Please be with us as we travel and I guess I should know that you have this under control, but the angel that came to me did not mention these things.

Please help us through this - have a place that is good for birthing a baby, if that is to happen, and have those that can care and be with us if we need it. 

Thank you again, Lord, I just have no idea why you would choose us for this - I hope we can do what you wish.

- Joseph

Oh God, what is going on!  This does not make any sense!  Why did you not listen to my prayers! 

How could you bless us with a son that is directly from you and force us to deal with these conditions that we are dealing with.  That was such a long trail to have to go.  Mary began labor pains and we had nowhere we could go.  

How could you not have made certain that somewhere here did not have an opening.  We only needed ONE room to stay in!  I am worried for my wife.  Again, I trust that you have this handled, but right now I am just not seeing you do the work that I would have expected from you.  God... where are you right now?

- Joseph

Jesus is born. 

 It was amazing - a miracle.  I cannot truly describe in words what I have experienced in the past few hours.  I still do not understand why we are here resting with the animals in the stable .. and that my son.. your son.. our son is laying in the feeding trough.  

Why would you bring your son, the proposed Savior of the world, into this world among livestock? 

We are trusting in you.  I think that Mary is stronger than me in this - I will be there for her. Please just continue to give me the strength I need and keep my wife and child healthy.

I thank you for sending the shepherds.  They actually helped us out very much.  I do not understand how they knew where we were, but they left talking about how they are going to let others know about what is happening.  I guess that you have a plan... and I will just continue to follow you.

 -Joseph

Our son is coming close to turning two.  I think back on that day that he was born and remember what I was thinking.  I know that I can trust you, Lord.  If we can make it through that hard of a time I am certain we can make it through this next one... and others, but you never seem to leave conformation at just that.

Some men from the far east came to our home today and worshiped Jesus. They had an amazing story.  They told us of how they followed a star that appeared when Jesus was born. How could they have even known? God, you are a miracle worker!

We are already on our way to Egypt to keep our son out of the hands of those that wish him dead.  Thank you for your guiding voice!

God, I know you were there the entire time.  These men really showed me what wisdom I lacked back then.  I thank you for guiding them to us and for the gifts that you put in their hearts to give us. I will cherish the experience of this journey the most and ask you to be with our family as we continue this trek of our lives with your son as our son!

-Joseph

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Palm Sunday - Old Exerpt from 'My Progress' (video)

found here


This video reminded me of something I wrote a good few years ago. I decided not to do any editing to the prose, so... just go along with what grammar mistakes and possible misspellings that I may have made.

I had placed myself in a huge home furnished with all that I felt I would and could ever need
including Cute, who through my eyes had become Lust, a box of false hopes, and all the magic to rid the evil away. I had sat upon my throne and was feeling as if I was on the top of the world. (Now, of course, this is my unconscious mind that is lost in its earthy desires for the out side of my mind; my body was taking a disgusting beating from Depression. Me being so lost I felt not a thing.) I looked around at all of my things and smiled to myself. I thought of how great I was and how powerful I was becoming. Then, suddenly, a bright white light appeared in the darkest corner of that room of my mind, giving sight to the most powerful being I had ever seen. I looked up at him from my throne as he turned from me. I was confused, but I said not a word. The Man was walking towards what looked like a cross. Actually it was my cross. I had it there a very long time and never understood its purpose, but this Man seemed to have an idea. He walked until He was directly in front of the cross and turned back to me. His eyes shown like fire and he spoke "Take up your hammer and nails and do what much be done!" I was terrified, but somehow I knew exactly what he wished. I slowly took hold of the hammer I had on my belt and found three long nails in my pocket. The man spoke His name to me and asked me a question.

"Young one, I am Salvation! Will you accept me? I looked to Him and was stopped in my tracks. I
centered my gaze to His and said, "Yes, my Lord! Take me!"

I knew not what happened then because I had fallen flat on my face. I forced my head up enough
to catch a glimpse of the man staked to the cross with the nails in his hands and feet. I knew he was still there though because I could feel His intense power. But, I could not see at all for the power was too intense. I now felt as if my body was crowding up and."Oh, Joy!", I cried as I realized what was now occurring. A battle had been fought and Salvation had won inside of me. The one who was there before was gone as well as the things I had in the building. Matter of fact, the building was gone as well. There were only four things left i.e. The Man Salvation, The Throne, the Cross, and Myself.
I finally awoke and found myself on a path. It hit me that the battle fought inside of me had
dramatic effects on my physical self as well. As lost as I had been before I found that accepting
Salvation and giving Him the throne to my desires I had gained access to the path I had been searching for. In my excitement I realized that I had renewed energy and guessed, as I searched myself, that it was because the pack that I had carried before was gone. My joy overcame me as I praised my Lord in Dance.



_

Oh, yeah... that second one

Here is that second story.  Remember that the only thing changed in this one is that I will not have the friend's name.

Ok, onward...

The Last Flight

      As Derek Jordan was starting his nightly ruten of feeding he began to notice the world around him was not the same.  It had an extra blare of light from above.  He couldnot understand the new light on this particular night of feeding.  As he flew over the city he noticed a young boy maybe by the age of 14.  So Derek landed behind a buildings wall a little infront of this boy.  The boy kept on walking not knowing the danger he was in at this time.  As the boy got closer Derek's teeth began to enlarge and was now ready to pounce onto this next victim.  The all of the sudden this boy came by the cornerand was voilently grabed from behind by very boney arms that gave him great pain as they poked into his sides.  He began to try to turn to see who or what had grabbed him so violently, but before he could get around Dereks teeth began to sink into the young mans throat.  Then the boy began to scream violently and stoped abrubtly as his heart stoped pumping blood that was now taken be this creature of the night.  As Derek began to lay his victim down onto the ground he relized that this was no ordinary victim but his friend *name of friend*!!  Then Derek violently awoke from a great sleep and began to look around.  He relized that he was in a completly white room and on a small bed.  He tried to get up with no success because his arms and legs were tied down to the bed he was on.  Then it all came back to him he was no vampire, but only a helpless victim of the embli virus that will put its victims in a state of dreaming and his horrible dream was now over!!!

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Hope you enjoyed these wonderful tales that my younger self cooked up.  Who knows, I may find more and you can then enjoy those as well!

~>dErK<~

An Old Story... written by a young odd dude....

Yeah that young dude was me, and these were written either when I was in sixth grade (very good chance) or jr. high (slight good chance). Anyway there are two, but will only post one today. I will not change anything in them (not even spelling), except in the second one I will leave out a name of my friend. Instead it will read ... *name of friend* :)

Alrighty .... and here is the first

Tragety

As Derek stood on this small plane with one engine blown to pieces ready to jump out with this cheap unreliable parachute. His life began to run through his mind first with his birth ti his failing most of all his tests at school, then to his mother and fathers deaths of one very horrible fire that he had started in his room with a cigarrette and his very thin curtans. And then he came to the flight that was bound to screw up because of all the quality. The piolet had told him that he had a bad heart and warned him that this was even more dangerous than it had seemed, but Derek had not listened to him because of the was his life had been going and this one little thing was nothing to him. He then come to the point that had gotten him into this position. The piolet grabbed his heart and told Derek to jump then so he would be at the right height, but Derek was just too afraid. So the piolet died and the plane began to fall fast so Derek took the wheel remembering the hours he had flying in the army and lifted the plane to the right height, but with one minor problem of hitting a tree and losing the right engine. Now Derek's mind is coming to the point of the jump. Derek decided there was only one chose he had to live and that was to jump so he did just that. As he fell he pulled the rip cord that opened his parachute and sent him gliding to the ground. Derek landed on hard ground with a loud thump! He stoop up finding that he was sinking very slowly into the ground, The next thought that had crossed Derek's mind was that his painful life was now about to end!!

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stay tuned for the second one tomorrow, and feel free to comment on my wonderful writing prowess :)

~>dErK<~