Today I give you a apology note from me to my daughter... and a few thoughts dealing with reactions.
-------------It was so nice to see you excited to be given five dollars you could spend on anything you wanted. Anything in the world you could think of, could find - as long as it was under five dollars - it would be yours.I am glad we were able to hang out today, combing the flea market for dusty gold, hoping for that gem item.But..., Kyley, my dear, I must apologize.I am sorry, I am so very sorry you lost your five dollars in that store.Somewhere in the dust... in the stuffed animals, plastic covered comics ... sits your money. Lonely, likely... wondering why you would have given up on it. Why you might have thought it was not good enough for you.Of course, you and I know that is not the case. That five dollars was a treasure to you, but you saw something... maybe a Barbie.. or perhaps it was a book, but in looking at an item you absently set down the fiver... leaving it forever (or likely until the next kid came across it and felt like the luckiest kid ever, gaining a fair amount of free money)I am sorry now you cannot get any item... under the price of five dollars, including tax. I am sorry this outing did not work out they way you had hoped and mostly I am sorry I did not take my money to replace yours.Yes, I had enough money to cover your losses. Yes, I did not get anything myself and could have gotten you something at no cost to you, but alas... I am your father and must teach you how life works.How does life work?Well... quite simply life works in such a way that when you leave five dollars on a shelf in a flea market and have no idea where it could be... you lose said five dollars... all of it - no exceptions. It is gone, and it is gone forever.It takes maturity to learn through such a loss as this, such a drastic and life pausing loss - yet you... you looked at me.. and knew.. you lost it - and there was nothing to be done about it.No matter how much you wished you had never made such a mistake, you owned that you did - and you moved on from it... and I applaud you for it.You, Kyley,... have inspired me, have encouraged me, and have given me the needed upliftedness to continue to do right by you as a father.I love you and hope you always remember the loss of this small amount to prepare you for the possible larger one you may face in your future!------------
Now, to be fair in starting this out I would like you to know it has been a good few weeks since this incident transpired and we did talk about it then, of course, but this apology could not be done right then, as I really wanted her to understand that her misplacing the item is what caused the lose, and there are just some things I cannot fix.
Right after it happened, while wanting to tell her all these things I made a note in my Evernote to write one and come back to this on my blog. I did, and actually had her read this last week shortly after my writing it.
She read it while I was washing the dishes. The reason I mention this is not to pat myself on the back - I hardly do this dishes - but instead so you understand I was occupied and my back was to her while she read the post. So first and foremost I was not able to gage her reactions as she read (and really did not want to) and second I almost did not catch her trying to sneak away.
I am not exactly sure why she was trying to get away without dealing with me, but I caught her and asked her what she thought. The reply I got was a shrug and an 'I don't know'.
I asked her what she learned from the experience itself... and I got 'I need a new wallet to put my money in.... no ... cause I would probably put that down and lose it anyway' she thinks for a minute, "Oh, I know, I need a new purse I can wear... then I won't lose the money."
Loss happens and we all need to learn to deal with it. Sometimes it is small, and other times it is large.
How do you deal with it? What have you learned from it in the past?
Do you think I did the right thing by not replacing the money that she lost?
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