This is one of those days an entire post was written, checked, and scheduled ahead of time for your reading eyes here on a fine Tuesday morning, but instead - Just Being Here demands otherwise the content at which I am to post.
Today, which is now yesterday by the time you read this... and who knows 10 years from now could be a possibility, I had a crisis of faith. It lasted... maybe an hour or two, but I feel strongly I want to be honest with who I am and what I am dealing with. No... not really for you exactly, but largely knowing I, myself, am being as honest and forthright as I write this blog. I enjoy encouragement. I thrive on it... I thrive on the living water Christ has given me to share with others and help them pursue their dreams as well as understand the drive we need to move forward no matter the circumstances. This... in no way has created in me an ability to not succumb to the beast which is 'discouragement' or 'unbelief'.
Mel and I were notified about a week or so ago the house we have been renting for around 6 years will be put on the market. For us, this means in about three months (when our contract is up) we really need to have a plan to be out of here so we are not caught off guard with some sort of notification of eviction. We feel very strongly this is God opening the door for us to finally purchase a home. We would like to be close to our church so we can more effectively minister to the immediate community as well. Everything about this looks like a wonderful blessing in disguise.
There is one hiccup we actually are aware of. When we first got married we both had credit cards and a fair amount of debt. As well, we in no way had good spending habits during our first year of marriage. Actually our choices of spending in the first year put us out of the home we were renting at the time and into ONE bedroom of my parents then living residence. This was a hard time for us for many reasons. We had a newborn and were needing to constantly battle the desire to be independence as well as show our gratefulness to my parents. There was a battle for a job (another story, another day) as well as the battle of paying off credit card debt. All of our cards were over due, over balance, and entering collections. To simplify this part of the story, it took us many years to pay off each and every debt. At this moment in time we are fully paid up on all debts, except for a few student loans of my wifes.
We have tried many times over the years to get approval for credit... A best buy card here, a loan here, and other nickknacks and whatyoumados all failed due to our credit score. We are still fighting a battle I detest greatly. The need of credit in order to be approved for credit. I could rant on this for days, but instead I would rather focus on my failure and not what I disagree with dealing with the monetary.
We have a great set-up in front of us for purchasing a home, we just need to jump the hurdle of credit. Not a huge surprise, but we were denied most any way to get the loan in any way feasible to us.
Does this mean the door is totally closed? Apparently not...
The one tiny door we were let known of was we WERE approved to get the loan IF we had a certain percentage of the loan as a down payment. It would need to be in our account for a certain amount of days and then we could apply again and then have the money for the down payment on the house. Problem there... we have NO FUNDS. This was a totally unexpected need we are being 'pressed' into... moving from our 'now' home.
When I found this out I knew exactly what the next step was. I made a phone call and did not quite get the answer I was hoping for and I lost it. My now, more level headed mind understands better but... don't get me wrong either, I am not sure there has been many moments my composure has been quite so... calm... if I can call it that, but really... I lost it. I was like a Bruce Almighty junior looking up and God and giving Him my best, 'really... really... come on' ... 'look'. I truly was praying and believing in an awesome miracle. A long awaited change in my credit score that just finally was acceptable at the right moment to get us what we needed to buy a home, but... no... that is not the journey God has for us. My mother was so calming as I talked with her about it, and I cannot help but thank God for a mother that could have such a loving and compassionate attitude in a situation where her son was seriously having the wrong attitude towards God.
I moved on and decided to schedule some Facebook posts on Congruent Culture for my Youtube magic channel (did you know you could do this?.. I learned today.. awesome) and I saw the most recent one I scheduled earlier in the day because would have posted about the time I arrived home. It was this:
I bet you are like me and sometimes deal with more than one thing at a time... who can you trust in a time like this?
Amplified Bible (AMP)
Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.
(The card trick this goes with does not matter, but if are really interested.. just ask)
Yup... I wrote that... I wrote it to encourage others in their problems. Without the addition of Congruent Culture and the desire placed in me to share those videos... I would not have seen the post. God worked through me... to touch... me. God is working...
As well.. there was this quote posted by a friend:
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise - Laura Story
Snap! How can I deny myself a mercy, if I am in need of one. How can I honesty shake my finger at God in shame when He is VERY likely doing something IN MY FAVOR! God is working...
I then went to take my shower and turned on my music app...having the VERY first song be "Never Once" by A Road Less Traveled. (I reviewed this HERE : http://derkopenedeyes.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-road-less-traveled-love-trancend.html ) saying this about the song:
"Never Once" - This one is so surreal.. I like the way the beat just flows in another way from the music.. but as well it is so with it.. very cool sounding
No ... not very awesome in the encourage department, but I did not read the review before I took my shower.. I heard the song... in that moment.. this song.. really.. just injected to my heart the message I REALLY needed.
Standing on this mountain topLooking just how far we've comeKnowing that for every stepYou, were, with usKneeling on this battlegroundseeing just how much you've doneknowing every victory is your power in usScars and struggles on the waybut with joy our hearts can sayOh our Hearts Can SayNever once did we ever walk aloneNever once did you leave us on our ownYou are faithfulGod, You are faithful
Wow... God ... Is ... Working!!!! Oh.. and even what I put there is NOT all of the song...
Faith... is not a constant, as much as we hope it is. It is what it is, but ... I ask.. honestly of God... help my unbelief.. help my lack of faith. Guide me in this... strengthen me and as well... let this be an encouragement to others! I give You all the credit... monetary as well as in my life!
Love you readers... and thank you for reading!
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